Finding my Purpose in Europe: How Source Used Ayahuasca and Aligned CouchSurfing, Weed, and Berlin's Chaos for my Epic Transformation

I despise supporting corporations, but Starbucks is the most convenient cafe when traveling. So honestly fuck my old rules, 2025 I'm living in freedom to do whatever is easiest and most convenient for me.

Berlin was my gateway drug to Europe. My first time stepping foot on the continent, and boom — I land in this wild, electric, soul-rattling city. It’s magical chaos wrapped in brutal winter winds and raw, unapologetic vibes. The energy? Gritty. Unshakable. Ride-or-die. It's magical madness. Organized chaos. Fight-until-my-very-last-breath type of energy.

I came geared up for the cold, but let’s be real — it was inhumanely freezing. No chance I could live there long-term. But still… I fell in love. Hard. And I made a promise to come back when the city’s in full bloom — Spring or Summer, when Berlin is sunny, green, and even more alive. Berliner's never pass up an opportunity to go spend time outside.

I had just come from 2.5 months in the States visiting my family, after six months traveling around Ecuador — dietas, Ayahuasca, San Pedro, Chiric, Datura, Kambo, and DMT. I came there with a purpose to find out what it was I was really looking for, with a commitment to continue studying these plant medicines.

Honestly, I didn’t think I’d ever make it out of South America.

I thought I was gonna die there. Or at least live out the rest of my life in some tiny jungle village constantly in ceremony, constantly purging, constantly studying from one shaman to the next, thinking that’s what God wanted of me.

But in my final weeks at Urku Mayan, during a 3-week dieta, I hit a wall. Ceremony after ceremony, I just got… annoyed. Like deeply fucking bored and irritated. I could feel this old narrative running on repeat in the abyss of my subconscious mind: “You have to do this forever. You have to stay in South America. This is where you belong."

Then one night, in ceremony, Source spoke first, as Father — which rarely happens. Usually, I'm the one initiating conversations with Him. But here He asked, “Are you happy?”

And I said, “You already know I’m miserable as fuck.” Actually irritated.

And He laughed,of course, because He's always laughing. He said something so simple, so obvious, and yet so earth-shattering for me at the time:

“All I want you to do, is have the most fun possible, every given moment. Vibe in your greatest joy, Lana. Do everything you want. Nothing is off limits. Just don’t hurt yourself. Don’t hurt others. That’s it.”

And that's when I started laughing at my own self. I realized how simple it was to rewrite the story in my head, because this is what I've always wanted. To have the most fun possible, with awesome people, doing epic shit together.

Isn't this what we all want?

So I told God I wanted to experience the most beautiful moments this life could possibly offer. I wanted to feel what it’s like to live — not just survive, constantly in a fucking healing process, JESUS ENOUGH!

I wanted magic. Yes of course, South America, Plant Medicine, and healing processes on top of healing process are all magical. But I wanted to feel the depth of every emotion. I wanted to build raw organic connections with strangers. To play with a youthful heart. Create art. Explore city streets. Spontaneous adventures. Late nights. Beauty. Wonder. Freedom. Lifelong connections.

I wanted to experience the full spectrum of my humanness every day of my life. I wanted to laugh more, surrounded by awesome people who are also in love with life. I easily drank enough medicine to drown a massive giant, and it no longer excited me to keep it up.

And next thing I know, I’m in Berlin.

First week there, I smoked weed again for the first time in 640 days. It felt right, you know, to celebrate almost two years sober with a fat celebratory joint your cousin rolls for you? Source was waiting to gift me that magical moment of clarity.

And that moment changed the direction of my life going forward. I didn't know it yet, I still thought I was going to go to India after my three months in Europe, and fuck off the radar for another year or two, but it took time to unfold as I traveled, jumping from one CS host to another.

I saw the whole thing. I received confirmation, advice, and support. The website. The offerings. The direction. This idea that I’m meant to be a Psychonaut Bestie — someone people can hire to talk about God with, to sit in ceremony with, to travel and integrate and transform with. All across Europe. A walking, talking permission slip for freedom, healing, and joy. A new process had begun for me, I was finding my purpose in Europe.

It all made so much fucking sense. Like—this is what all those years were for. This is what my whole path has been leading me to the entire time. It was like a hundred puzzle pieces suddenly clicking into place, revealing a massive chunk of the grand masterpiece of my existence. And just like that, a fire I genuinely thought had gone out forever, got reignited deep inside me.

Still, I had my heart set on India. I thought I’d keep traveling until sometime next year. But then… the whole knee thing happened in Bern, Switzerland (I’ll get into that in another post), and suddenly backpacking wasn’t so easy anymore. God changed my direction to England where I could live in peace with a good homie of mine. Free weed, empty flat, quiet space to focus and work. So here I am—writing this from Stafford, UK with a completed website and a whole three-month tour scheduled.

God is hilarious.

Give the universe time and space with your dreams. Tell Source what you want, then sit back and don't worry about how it gets done. Your job is to vibrate in your highest vibration, which is Joy.

Which is probably why I haven’t stopped smoking since. Not in the way I used to. Not to numb. It now, brings clarity. Confidence. Bravery. It’s like I become more me when I’m high. My light shines brighter. The channel gets clearer. I do not hesitate, I do not doubt. I trust fully, because I feel like I'm being hugged by my mom and dad, and there is nothing I can do wrong. Call it ignorance, you don't know what I know. I only know, because of the experiences I've had that opened my ignorant eyes to see that there is no right or wrong way of navigating through life.

Being in this state of being, I'm able to vibe in love and respond to my reality in love. This attracts more things for me to be in love with into my life.

This way of flowing through life, has been unfolding everything so perfectly for me every single moment. The last two weeks I have felt pure ease in every movement I make in each moment of every single fucking day. It's insane! The less I do, the more gets done. I can't believe my reality because it's actual magic. Everything aligns to the fucking second.

I mean, if I left the house 30 seconds later, I would have missed a very important connection that would lead me to an event I had to be at to hear a very specific message from an individual that wasn't even supposed to be there, but they came last minute because a passing stranger invited them in. You know what I mean?!

And these are only the smallest of moments. The big ones will require at least eight hours of your attention for me to explain properly.

God works in the most hilarious and mysterious of ways. When you fully trust, you are rewarded with the awareness of the process unfolding right before your very own eyes. It's the most exhilarating way to live life.

To experience and know Source, you must experience your own humanness. There is no other way.

So before I get too carried away, let’s rewind to when I started couchsurfing across Europe after nearly a month in Berlin. One by one, God started sending people to confirm the vision. I lost count of how many strangers supported my ideas and resonated with my message. After the first five, I didn't need for all the rest to confirm, but that’s how Source works — guiding us with little nudges, aligning us closer to Love and confirmation of that Love.

Because to truly live in our highest joy, we’ve gotta move closer to Love itself, which always starts with self-love. You can’t attract what you want if you don’t love yourself first. So now is a good time for you to forgive yourself.

Anywho, now I’m in London.

And this city? She’s like a full-body yes from the Universe. Every inch of her. The rhythm, the chaos, the conversations with strangers, the late-night synchronicities, the Tube rides, the skyline, the grit, the elegance — it all screams confirmation. Every person Source aligned me with here has felt like a divine appointment.

This city is built for people looking for a fresh start, ready to build new organic connections, and to have a good time. This whole place feels like it was built to hold this version of me as I step into the very scary spotlight and put myself out there for the internet to try every attempt to tear me down. Fuck. I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to the internet stuff.

And now, I'm so off topic. How do I even title this? I've taken you through so many landmarks in one short blog post and one too many topics, that now I have no idea which direction to take this to conclude my point... What is my point?

Unmanaged ADHD. Not ignorantly... Uneducated, let's say, because how do you treat ADHD naturally? If you say meditation, go to hell because no, it doesn't.

Oh yes, let's circle back to that one ceremony in Ecuador. The night I sat with Source and said, “I want to feel the full spectrum of my humanness. I welcome every experience. I want it all that You can possibly give me because I know it’s all happening for my highest good. Bring it."

Did he deliver?

He did.

He outdid himself.

He gave me so much more than I could have ever imagined I would encounter, and as much as I want to share all of it at once, I can't write a whole damn book in one sitting. Little by little, I'll drop more.

PS I'm still without a phone, and this morning my desktop WhatsApp disconnected. So I'll be MIA until I get a new phone to connect.

Until then,

Lana

Chillin in Berlin Park, smoking freely because fuck the government, really.